I don’t know how many multi-million dollar lotteries I have won in the past few weeks but it’s amazing how lucky I’ve been. I hope many of you have had the same luck, but I suspect that if you have an email account you probably have.
What is even funnier to me is not that I’m winning the lotteries that I’ve never heard of in countries that I’ve never been to but the things that they say in their notifications! My favorite is the one that says “enclosed is your winnings” and I am shocked that I have never known how to enclose something in an email. I didn’t even know the technology was good enough for that yet!
I also love the notices that I’ve inherited some huge amount of money and they just need to know where to send the check, so they ask me for my name, address and phone number. But then I start to think that maybe they have the wrong guy because if they knew that it was a check for me they would already know my name at least, so I’m not sure if I should give them my neighbor’s information instead because sometimes I get my neighbor’s mail so maybe they are having the same problem.
The one thing that is a bit annoying about winning all of this money is that they can’t just send one notice! I get the same notification several times a day and I just wish they could put themselves in my shoes… I don’t have time to keep reading about my winnings while I’m trying to enjoy all of the money I have won!
It’s just all so overwhelming…
So I’ve decided to outsource the handling of my winning lottery notifications and all of the checks that vanquished dictators relatives are trying to send me and the best part is that the company I found will handle your outsourcing for you as well. All you have to do is forward the email to the FCC and they will make sure that the people who are trying to send the money to the right person actually find what they are looking for.
They will even handle those emails that you just don’t have time for, like the ones that say “you are receiving this email because you subscribed…” at the bottom but you know for a fact that you never subscribed to a newsletter about prescription drugs or hair plugs. The same emails that you are sure you unsubscribed from but maybe not because now you are getting two copies… the FCC will handle those for you as well.
I will say that as an outsourcing service, they are a little slower at taking care of the mailing lists but they do this for free so who am I to complain!
In fact you should send all of the email that you don’t want to handle over to them as well! Maybe if they had enough work they could hire more people!.
If you want to take advantage of their services, just forward those emails over to:
spam@uce.gov
Then you can sit back and take care of those fun emails that you enjoy responding to, like mine! You can also go enjoy all of those millions that have been enclosed in your emails! (By the way, if you figure out how to open up an email to get the enclosed millions, let me know… I’m having a little trouble with mine)